Your intuition is a wonder of a thing. It makes you so sure you question everything you are certain about. Like the first contraction that hit with this interesting pulling sensation that felt like me and babe were closer than we had been the whole 9 months. Yet I sat still and quiet for quite some time reassuring my mind and physical state that everything that was happening was real. Tv made contractions seem like this big event that you were very aware of and it made you cringe into a ball and you were rushed to the hospital and you had a baby. My contractions were only a pulling sensation. A dull painless pull. In fact I tried to sleep through them and enjoy the pull like watching a small wave crashing into the shore and curling out into the ocean. I lasted until they were about 4 minutes apart and I woke Chris up with the famous statement, “I think its time to call the midwife, doula, and head to the hospital.”
2:30AM– We woke the family, made our calls and off we went with everything we could imagine needing for having a baby.
We entered the hospital and I was calm yet thriving with energy from what felt like from the ground in from my feet. I knew it was time to bring that baby into the world. They almost didn’t admit me because I was too calm. Once they realized who I was and how far along I was (42 weeks) the cute question of “why isn’t this baby already here?”arose and I was put into a room checked and admitted after realizing I was indeed in labor! We in fact were half way there. 5 1/2 centimeters dilated and we were being moved into our room to birth this baby!
I was calm, bouncing on a yoga ball, welcoming all whom entered our room, cheery as could be -that’s just who I am- and was ecstatic about the whole process.
3 1/2 hours passed and I had remained at 5 1/2 centimeters and was then talked to about intervening methods to get things moving along. Which in Utah is very common due to A. So many babies, and B. People get impatient and don’t want a delayed birth. So my birth team ( Chris, Katrina Our Doula, and I) agreed to break my water. My water had not broke and were bulging and I had soooo much water which is uncommon the further along you get, and had been told he would have been comfortably in the womb for quiet a bit longer. This is when I indeed became nervous. I had been calm and collected and in communication with my body mind and spirit until this point. I was told things get much more intense and to be ready for the next stage and by breaking my water things would amplify by..A LOT. I went from this calm collected being to almost in tears and nervous and unsure that me, my body and baby were capable to do this. Katrina and Chris reassured me that I could do this and to prepare how ever I needed to mentally. Almost panicked I agreed and surrendered. Recollecting going inward I kept telling myself, “you and your baby know what to do, this body is capable of birthing this baby, you are strong, you are earthed, you are capable.” Over and over again.
-Breaks water- with what looked like a crochet hook- warm fluid I was not in control of flooded from me all over everything.
Now this is what contractions are! I instantly needed a fan I grabbed any and everything flat around me and fanned my face. Everyone in the room was then fanning the pregnant woman. It was like getting a light chemical peel -if you’ve never had one, imagine a slightly cooled frying pan placed on your face- I even had someone bring in a fan and I stood bent over with my face in the fan. Graceful right?
I was back and forth from the bathroom to the bed pacing trying to find the right position to get comfortable. The first time I was not comfortable. I then had to really focus and breathe through contractions. Everything before this point was cake. I started to feel this overwhelming feeling of “I don’t know if I can do this, what if I cant do this!” My doula then touched down in my realm of reality and kept saying the word tub, that’s all I got, “get in the tub, lets try the tub”, we filled the bathtub and I slowly emerged myself thinking “there’s no way this is going to work, I think its time for the juice”. I almost had enough I started to feel this little being inside of my body shift down and I started to zone. Aka transition which I didn’t know was going on. I looked up and asked can I get some medicine to help? -The rule I had in place was I had to ask three separate times for any medicine or epidural, and they couldn’t count when in a contraction.- a little time had passed in the tub and I felt the strongest pull to push. It felt so good to push like I had stopped fighting and everything made sense. We weren’t completely dilated so I was advised to breathe. “In through your nose, center, you can do this, out through your mouth.” It was the most obnoxious, necessary step so far!!The other tip I was advise by my doula was to make like a horsey sound where you press your lips together and push air out. It was the only way I didn’t tear and was surprisingly incredibly helpful and helped me focus while zoning completely out.
10:00AM– Give me the juice. I was out of a contraction, calm and it was the third time. I had had enough. In comes the midwife and out of the tub I went. My midwife Erica simply told me it was the third time I asked and we should check to see where we were first to make any decisions. I hoped on the bed and sure enough I had dilated to a 9 1/2 centimeters and baby was on his way.
At this point I had Katrina -the doula-, Chris, and the midwife trying counter pressure in all kinds of different positions and one after another. If you are going to have a babe and haven’t read up on counter pressure while in birth DO IT!! It’s such a sense of relief when nothing else helps. I had completely zoned. I was in another world and only the person that was present was directly below my feet.
Before I knew it the room was full of hospital employees and I kept hearing “this baby is coming.” My knees were brought up high into my chest and I finally got to give into the feeling of pushing, everything felt right my mind body and spirit were one and I gave it everything I had. I felt the burning ring of fire and could feel my body separating as far as humanly possible to bring this baby into this world. I grit my teeth, squeezed onto my legs and pushed with all my might. 15 minutes of intense pressure and that baby came into this world. He came barreling out with a roar of a cry, and up onto my chest he went, still attached to the placenta, he was so warm so full of love and light. I didn’t have the slightest idea of what to do with him. I looked around the room, and the first thing I said was, ” I just had a f***ing baby”. And searched for my family in the room. Which were incredibly upset that we had not called them to be in the room before this point. Chris came over and cut the cord. I pushed the placenta out and it was placed in a bag and handed over to the doula for encapsulation.We had done it! We actually had this baby!
We were escorted into our room and I had this sweet being of light in my arms and a world of unknown now in front of us. It hit me being wheeled down the hall that I had finally met this little man whom I had grown all by myself, kept safe, kept healthy, gave birth to and now had lying in my arms gave me such peace and comfort I never knew I was capable of.
A few points I wanted to go over that added to my experience.
– I don’t know if I will go natural with the next birth we do or just stay home until I cannot stand to do anything else. I wish I wasn’t put in a state of fear when talked to about breaking my water. I think my birth would have went smoother if I was told in a different manor.
-I had the best birth team which really put everyone in the room and I in the right headspace to birth a baby! Very supportive and on board with my birth plan. SO IMPORTANT. If not the most important thing to me.
-Have a game plan in motion for when baby is coming because if you’re like me and your the highway of communication, when you are having said baby you aren’t the communication highway. In fact its shut down and you have to rely on others to get everyone else the information of where to go, when to come. All of that shinanagins!